A quarter-century of life

Today is June 1. Two weeks from tomorrow, I will be one-quarter of a century old (that is, 25 years old). In this first quarter of a century of my life, I have been able to experience many wonderful things in this life. I have been to Europe at least four times, including Paris and London. I have gotten to see my favorite teams win the World Series, the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup, and the NCAA Men's Soccer national championship. I have been in almost twenty plays in a dozen years as an actor, and have received accolades for it. I was a member of choir and National Honor Society in high school, and attained two B.A.s in college.

Even some of the bad times made me realize how great the good times were- I've had my relationship problems with women and my family; I've been rejected numerous times at auditions, and I also had problems in the job search. But now, I'm on the threshold, and many things are going right for me.

Hopefully, I can keep up my good fortune.

Life's stage

As Jaques said in As You Like It, "All the worlds a stage, and its men and women merely players." Even now, many people ask me why I still stick with theatre after all these years. Many ask me why I haven't knuckled down and gotten a real job, or pursued more "realistic" dreams. It's a hard concept to explain.

I got started at around age twelve, but it took a few years before I took it seriously. My first middle school audition gave me the lead role, and I had my part memorized in three weeks- lines, cues, and all. People told me I was a natural. I did admittedly buy the hype and got a little cocky. However, I had some great teacher in high school and college that brought me down to Earth, and helped me realize that I may not be the best, and honestly, I may not need to. I needed to simply be my best. They also helped refine the acting skills I did have, and taught me directing, stagecraft, and writing skills. For outsiders who don't know all the effort that goes into a theatrical production, I challenge them to shadow a production during tech week. The late nights, the lack of sleep, the passions and questions about whether this is right have reaffirmed for me the idea that this is right for me. 

This is where I belong. 

I feel strong on stage, in a world where I don't feel strong in most other places. The stage allows me to set my own rules, and let's be honest, it's fun to play pretend for a living. Because in the end, that's all we do. We're just people who play pretend for a living. And what's more fun than that? 

From an outsider's perspective, actors may not be the highest rung of the food chain. However, the dedication that we in this industry put is second to none. We are forced to put our hearts on the line every day, and not everybody is willing and able to do that. 

It takes a lot of blood, toil, sweat, and yes, a few tears (of sadness and joy, sometimes both simultaneously), but actors survive. We are a nomadic breed, but we survive. 

If art wasn't important, they would have found a way to kill it already. But here we keep chugging along. Art is the ultimate survivor. Not saying it would survive a nuclear Holocaust or anything, but artists, particularly performance artists, are among the strongest people I know. 

And so, as another show lurks on the horizon (running June 7-10), I go forward into the show, balancing two "real" jobs with learning a 24-line monologue; working concessions versus playing on stage. It's a fine line, a tightrope if you will, but it's a world I couldn't see myself without. 

So this one is for the creators, the artists, the survivors. 

A question of confidence

Those who know me very well know that I have problems with my self-confidence. What is often hidden behind the curtain is that I have problems with my consistency- it's not that I can't do a task, but I have trouble doing it consistently. Occasionally, I have flashes of brilliance, but I almost always regress. It's a bad cycle: I have trouble with my self-confidence because, a lot of the time, I don't inspire confidence in others. How can you believe in others if others have trouble believing in you? I get sad and frustrated when I don't reward their faith in me. I'm not even saying that I don't deserve it. Oftentimes, I do. Sometimes, I feel like a child in a man's body. And I don't answer back, because it's usually a losing proposition anyway. If only I were braver.

Anyway, I won't go on about this, but forgive me if I haven't always acted like an adult. I'm sorry.

Sleep well.

Call me company

I am hereby announcing that I am throwing in the proverbial towel of love. I have officially given up on ever getting married or having kids. Fish have to swim, birds have to fly, and I have to go dateless. Not for lack of trying, mind you. There are girls that I like, but I've probably blown any chances I have. If you get that desperate that you renounce your quest on social networking sites, you've sunk pretty low.

I'm a little surprised that I didn't do this earlier. I mean, in the time it's been since I had a date, I saw a black man become President, saw the Dude win an Oscar, became an uncle twice over, saw my brother get his own girlfriend, and graduated from college. I mean, this is how pitiful I am. Five years and not one single, solitary date.

Many of the people I knew in high school have gotten married. Some have even become parents. Not that I was looking to become a father myself, but the companionship would have been nice. In a way, I kind of get it. It goes in a vicious cycle- girls can't love me because I can't love myself because I don't inspire others, and so on and so forth. I guess I'm just not "boyfriend material."

Ironically, since I have Papa Roach on my playlist right now, maybe I shouldn't be giving up so easily. But how many failed attempts does it take before you can finally wash your hands clean? Sometimes, we just need to know when to quit.

Maybe I'll flip-flop on this issue. However, given my general stubbornness on many things, I don't see this happening anytime soon.

Maybe I should hang a sign on my neck that says, "Call me company" and listen to Fall Out Boy. For those who don't get the reference, they have a song that features the lyric, "This is the way they'd love if they knew how misery loves me." And since misery loves company, strap a sign on me and call me company.

That's all for this post. Maybe it'll get better, but I've always been a glass half-empty person, so I don't see it happening anytime soon.

A random sampling of roles

If you have read my "About Me" section, it mentions that I am hugely passionate about theatre (and movies). And while I may have gotten a late start, by theatrical standards (I was thirteen when I started doing it consistently, with some sporadic roles before then), I have been hotly passionate about it for about a dozen years. I have played a broad range of roles from a variety of playwrights. I've done Greek, realism (Ibsen, not Chekhov), German expressionist (i.e. Kafka), 20th century American, contemporary, even some student shows. 

Among those roles:

-Menelaus, The Trojan Women (Euripides) 
-Jean, Miss Julie (August Strindberg) 
-Fabian, Twelfth Night (Shakespeare) 
-Dr. Rank, A Doll's House (Henrik Ibsen) 
-Roderigo, Othello (Shakespeare) 
-Mortimer, The Fantasticks (Tom Jones/Harvey Schmidt) 
-First Sergeant, Mother Courage and Her Children (Bertolt Brecht)


And now, as the summer nears, I begin my newest role- that of Lennox in another Shakespeare show- the one with the witches and the king whose name you'r not supposed to say. Hopefully, the supposed "curse" will not get me! 


So, until June, I explore the character's sarcasm and get to play a cool part. I become an earl in the end!! 


June 7-10, if you're in town. Be there!!

Theme Suite

Normally, I'm not a fan of music/songs that go past five-and-a-half minutes, or are just scores, but there are exceptions to every rule. I love many movie scores. One my favorite ones recently is "Beginners Theme Suite," which, naturally, comes from the film Beginners. I haven't seen the movie yet, but it is on my birthday wishlist, which is coming up in a few months. I was rooting for Christoper Plummer to get his Oscar, and he finally got his due. From what the music tells me, and from what the trailer indicates, Beginners is going to be my kind of film. It may be sentimental, but I like movies that make you think. The smaller type of movies like these that make a splash at the box office every once in a while. They reveal the poignancy I strive for every day as an actor, writer, and director. I'd rather have a smaller piece that said something than an all-star piece that is more style than substance. Trust me, I've seen it too many times. Not that I'm the next Roger Ebert or anything, but I have my "quality" films, and let's face it, Michael Bay isn't making this man's thumb's up list anytime soon. 

Here's a link to the score:

Here we go, I guess

Hey guys, 

I am new to this whole thing. Most of my "musings," if you want to call them that, came in the form of Facebook notes. However, I found that it got to be a little messy that way. These "musings" of mine don't necessarily have a point all the time- I like to post what I'm thinking at the time. Right now, I am relaxing, listening to R.E.M. (and yes, I am devastated that they disbanded). Their last studio album, "Collapse Into Now," is quaintly appropriate, considering that it brought them full circle as a band, figuratively speaking. Of course, nothing can beat their big four: Murmur, Document, Green, and Automatic for the People.

Looking back on it, being a child of the 1990s and early 2000s had its advantages. Back when old school Nickelodeon was awesome, with shows such as Pete and Pete, All That, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and many others. Can you believe it's been almost fifteen years since The Backstreet Boys, Britney, Christina, and N*Sync were just starting out? Where has the time gone? We had our fads- Pokemon, Power Rangers, Tamagotchi, Beanie Babies. You name it, we had it. We even had a yo-yo fad at my school for almost an entire semester. (I for one, though, never bought into it. I was always a rebel like that. At least when it came to yo-yos.)

Currently single, and really hoping to have that change soon. I think I am a nice and likeable man, albeit a little quirky, but who isn't? If only I could have more self-confidence. 

Anyway, I won't go all Holden Caulfield on you (at least not yet). As "Blue," the final song from the final album of my favorite band comes on, I look back on things past and think. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I laughed, sometimes I was scared. But it was a beautiful welcome to humanity. And my introduction has just begun. And, just like the song, the refrain of life begins anew each day. So, let's just enjoy it.