So, for those that know me very well, you know that I have many reservations about politics. I describe myself as generally apathetic, but this is probably incorrect. Rather, it might be better to use the term hesitant. I ask that if you read this, please read the whole thing and please read it carefully. I choose my words very carefully, and I have tried to do so as much as possible here.
As somebody who is also on the autism spectrum, there is a general consensus that the majority of people on the spectrum play by a different set or rules and/or standards. In my case, these "abnormal" standards apply to the political spectrum. I know what each politician stands for or against, but I don't necessarily know what I stand for. So, I ask this question honestly: how am I supposed to vote for somebody if I don't know whether or not I believe in their policies? In this case, it's less of a case of being uninformed and more of a case of being indecisive. I am generally on the middle on just about everything. And what is so bad about being that way? There are worse things to be.
I have told people this before, and I will tell them again (and this is the section to read the most carefully): it's not that I don't want to be heard, just not in this context. Maybe it's a good thing that I don't want my voice heard, because I genuinely believe that I am not qualified to make any legitimate opinions about politics. I can barely figure out what I want for breakfast most of the time.
In politics, it takes a certain amount of firepower and anger to really have your voice heard. I don't have that firepower, or if I do, I don't know how to harness it. As a result, I tend to become more passive-aggressive when I am angry. When I am on stage, I am loud and proud, and strong, as if I can do no wrong. This is because the boundaries are reduced for me as an actor. When I leave the stage, the walls of the outside world go up, and so do mine. I feel very alone in the world, even amongst my family and friends. Again, this relates back to being on the spectrum. There is a lot of minutiae and subtlety that affects the brain of those on the spectrum. And quite frankly, unless you either have it yourself or have a very close relationship with someone who does, it is very difficult to understand why I and many others feel this way. There is a general sense of pessimism that goes with being on the spectrum. In my case, I had two strikes against me by the time I was ten- within six months of my diagnosis, my parents began divorce proceedings. Can you blame me, then, for feeling responsible for it? As a result of both events, and particularly the timing of these events, I became very guarded and cynical about the world around me. So, I have a tendency to feel resigned about the current state of the world. In the political context, I am not strong enough to have my voice heard.
I am pro-choice in terms of free will- that is, I have the right to choose who I vote for. Just because I have a right doesn't mean I have to exercise that right. I have the right to carry an AK-47, but I don't, because I don't want to. I also have the right to spew vitriolic hate speech against minority groups, but I don't, because I don't want to. Just because I can vote for President doesn't mean that I have to. I have several people that are close to me, but are unable to vote because they are not U.S. citizens. And I ask this question: if it does mean this much to you, why don't you take the citizenship test? Not only would they pass the test easily, they deserve to have their voices heard more than I do.
Anyway, this is my attempt to try to support my arguments. I understand and appreciate your willingness to fight. But I also ask you to forgive me for not being willing to. I am not trying to change your mind, nor am I expecting you to agree with me. But I am asking you to let me be, to know that you won't change my mind. Live and let live, as the old saying goes. One of the things I do believe in is that if you respect my opinion, which people have said to me, you won't try to change it. Otherwise, what's the point of having an opinion if you can't believe in it firmly? I am also asking you to consider the isolation and loneliness that comes from being on the spectrum, and it is more from this isolationism perspective than anything else from which I speak.
Maybe I successfully defended my arguments, even if you don't agree with them. But if I didn't, I wouldn't be surprised. After all, they don't listen to the autistic guy in the hoodie from Indiana, so why start now?
